the whole shebang

scene title:  squirt training performers:  bonnie rotten, zoey monroe site:  hot and mean  ◅  brazzers (mindgeek) production credits:  none listed trailer l: bonnie rotten, r: zoey monroe the last brazzers scene of the month cements their reputation as the silliest and most cartoonish site i've regularly covered here. i didn't believe a second of this scene in terms of emotional connection or sexual intimacy, but i was never asked to. the preposterous premise, with purple-haired zoey monroe in a sort of porn-stunt boot camp being drilled in her maneuvers by heavily-tattooed bonnie rotten, presents the basic reality of the scene as so heightened and stylized that it might as well have opened with the looney tunes theme. not that i'm complaining: psychologically credible and emotionally intimate pornography is great, but there's also a place for the high-energy circus-trick type of porn, in which the various things that the human body can do...

scene title:  deuces are wild performers:  carter cruise, jayden cole site:  hot and mean  ◅  brazzers (mindgeek) production credits:  none listed trailer l: jayden cole, r: carter cruise two girl/girl all-stars in a ridiculous high-concept scene for one of the few studios that reliably shoots ridiculous high-concept scenes in a compelling way? yes please. this could easily have been a twistys scene rather than a brazzers one, and the two leads playing poker competitors with a reason to hate each other at the beginning is the only reason it slots into the hot and mean theme. otherwise, in terms of lavish decor, radiant lighting, stylized costuming, and classy camerawork, it looks very much like a traditional glamour scene rather than the broader, sitcommy style brazzers is known for. not that i'm complaining, just noting a visual discrepancy as it occurs to me. the premise of the scene, a tense poker showdown in which jayden accuses carter...

scene title:  honey, it's not what you think! performers:  bridgette b, romi rain site:  hot and mean  ◅  brazzers (mindgeek) production credits:  none listed trailer l: romi rain, r: bridgette b i'm not going to lie, i did a small dorky dance of excitement when i saw that bridgette b had a scene i could review this month. i have no particular views on her as a person, but as a performer, she's one of the best in the business, oriented particularly around character and narrative, and so one of the great improvisers of dialogue not just of her generation of porn stars, but likely of all time. maybe i just think that because her particular tics of things she thinks of to say are things that i find hot, or maybe the slight hint of her spanish accent does it for me; but for my money when she's really feeling a scene there's not a better dirty-talker in the state of california. if she wasn't really feeling this scene it is undetectable: playing the...

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scene title:  piano pussy practice performers:  nicolette shea, jade baker site:  hot and mean  ◅  brazzers (mindgeek) production credits:  none listed trailer l: jade baker, r: nicolette shea with her platinum hair, enhanced chest, and amazonian stature, nicolette shea is something of a throwback to the contract stars of the 1990s in an era of slim teens and well-preserved milfs. since the 1990s was when i was of an age to start taking notice of porn, i have a kind of self-indulgent admiration for ms. shea, despite the fact that i don't think i've ever fully respected a scene she's appeared in. she's frequently cast in roles where she physically dominates smaller, younger performers, and while i don't necessarily have an amazon kink i can't deny that the sheer visual contrast is arresting. jade baker isn't particularly tiny, but she is still putty in nicolette's hands here, as her facility with "brazzers face" (the shocked an...

scene title:  sneaky little skank performers:  paige owens, chanel skye site:  hot and mean  ◅  brazzers (mindgeek) production credits:  none listed trailer l: paige owens, r: chanel skye among porn connoisseurs, brazzers has the reputation of being lowest-common-denominator porn: the biggest site, pumping out schlocky, formulaic content and crucially, lots of it. their only girl/girl brand, launched a decade ago, is hot and mean, which was originally supposed to mean dom/sub scenarios, but now often just means the girls have an argument before having sex, and sometimes not even that. not that i mind; it takes a certain kind of performer to pull off real dom/sub play, and volume production on brazzers' scale means working with what you have. which is why although there was plenty wrong with it, i enjoyed this scene quite a bit. it's the first scene to feature a black woman that i've gotten to see this month, and since i live in the real wo...