the whole shebang

scene title:  twisted passions #26  [scene 2] performers:  xandra sixx, scarlett sage site:  girlfriends films production credits:  dan o'connell (dir.) trailer l: xandra sixx, r: scarlett sage and with this, at long last, this blog bids goodbye to girlfriends films. not farewell, because i now resent the company enough to wish no good to them, but goodbye. happy to see the back of it. never looking back. they can make the most spectacular performers look dull and the most creative stories interminable. it's really a special kind of alchemy, a formula that if it could be reverse-engineered to find the antidote could be used to save thousands of porn productions a year from awkwardness, stupidity, and visual blah. we're back in the lemoyne hotel; desk clerk scarlett sage (who cameoed in the previous twisted passions scene) is again snippy and condescending to xandra sixx (who i don't believe i've noticed since 2015, but has had a respectable car...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

scene title:  please make me lesbian #17 [scene 2] performers:  brooklyn chase, jessica rex, victoria june site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: victoria june, c: jessica rex, l: brooklyn chase the second installment of please make me lesbian #17 (original dvd release: march 2018) again has nothing to do with the first, except that it's in keeping with the vague theme of the title. brooklyn chase and victoria june, who both sport stereotypical pornstar anatomy, play a couple seducing their boss's daughter jessica rex, who affects a more natural look, and is supposed to be wondering if she's a lesbian. i have to give credit to girlfriends for giving work to women like brooklyn and victoria, whose tanned, lean, enhanced bodies are deeply unfashionable (at least for non-superstars) in the current era of porn, but who are still solid performers with a lot to offer in the right conditions. they stumble through their...

scene title:  twisted passions #26 [scene 1] performers:  aali kali, bunny colby site:  girlfriends films production credits:  dan o'connell (dir.) trailer l: bunny colby, r: aali kali there it is. there's the shabby, underlit, tackily decorated, poorly recorded, dingy-looking girlfriends films style i know so well. twisted passions #26 was released on dvd in november 2018. it's their "hotel fantasies" line, which just means there's about five minutes of very awkward interaction between desk clerk scarlett sage and guests aali and bunny before they confess that they're getting a room so they can explore their newfound feelings for each other in privacy. cut to scarlett toasting their lesbian relationship with champagne in their lingerie. it's the dumbest, most awkward, hideously outdated and blatantly male-fantasy script i've seen from girlfriends all month, and that's saying something. at least once scarlett leaves them to ...

scene title:  please make me lesbian #17 [scene 1] performers:  prinzzess, harmony wonder site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: prinzzess, r: harmony wonder another week, another first scene from a girlfriends dvd originally released in 2018 but not put online until today. this is the only time all month we've been graced with an appearance from girlfriends' only contract star, prinzzess. she's been doing precisely this kind of scene for over a decade, and could do it in her sleep. i'm not convinced she didn't do it in her sleep this time. harmony wonder, who i suggested was less memorable than cecilia lion in the scene she shared with her earlier this month, acts rings around her as a, uh, college student who doesn't want to go study abroad because she has a crush on her dorm mother (?), prinzzess. at least until the sex starts, when harmony plays the younger woman almost exclusively in terms of whimpers. if t...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

scene title:  women seeking women #152 [scene 4] performers:  serene siren, carolina sweets site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: carolina sweets, r: serene siren the second b. skow-directed girlfriends release i've watched every installment of this month, and possibly the best scene i've gotten from him (and from the studio) all month. none, or almost none, of that is due to his work: most of it is due to serene siren and to a lesser extent carolina sweets. it's worth taking a moment to look back on the entirety of women seeking women #152, which (like many or even most girlfriends releases is really two entirely different stories told across two scenes each, packaged together for no particular reason other than that dvd sales are the only thing the company really understands). the first half, with ella knox and jenna foxx as the employees of elexis monroe and ryan keely, started strong but went nowhere; the second...

scene title:  lesbian legal #14 [scene 4] performers:  eva long, violet rain site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: eva long, r: violet rain my usual vocal despising of girlfriends will have to be put on hold here, because violet rain, the younger starlet in this scene (originally released on dvd in september of 2018) was taken off of life support in march of this year after a fatal drug overdose that left her in a vegetative state. she had been out partying two weeks earlier and was left abandoned at a los angeles-area hospital by an unknown party, with evidence of having been sexually assaulted. she was nineteen. the cruelty and arbitrariness of the low-level celebrity lifestyle, the invincibility of youth, and the mythmaking of an industry all too willing to pretend that teenagers are fully-formed adults prepared to be responsible for their own safety in every circumstance means another dead young woman, little know...

scene title:  women seeking women #152 [scene 3] performers:  eva long, carolina sweets site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: eva long, r: carolina sweets the thing about this project i most dread doing is watching girlfriends scenes. it's not just that they're poorly-made; it's that they're poorly-made and interminable. performers who are vividly engaging in other productions are flat and dull in girlfriends scenes; premises with some interesting ideas are presented in the most tedious, uninvolving way possible. this scene, which kicks off the second half of women seeking women #152 (and has nothing to do with the previous two scenes) has a decent campy premise: serene siren and eva long as rapacious older women hungrily eyeing the young college student carolina sweets who's moving in next door. but it's presented with a total absence of camp (though serene tries hard): in order to pretend that they need carol...

scene title:  lesbian legal #14 [scene 3] performers:  kat dior, danni rivers site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l to r: eva long, violet rain, danni rivers, kat dior jesus fucking christ. i feel like i deserve restitution for sitting through that introduction. none of the four principles in the second half of this stupid movie can act, the story they are telling about new york lawyers suing a las vegas plastic surgeon for sexually harrassing strippers is profoundly stupid and nonsensical, and every minute of the twenty before the sex begins feels like an eternity because girlfriends doesn't know how to pace for shit. i will note that i only just realized that long-serving gonzo director b. skow directed lesbian legal #14, because i happened to check iafd.com for this scene. presumably he's why the color grading is so professional, and why the sex is filmed in a minimally more competent manner than we saw in, for ...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

scene title:  lesbian legal #14 [scene 2] performers:  sarah vandella, hannah hays site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: hannah hays, r: sarah vandella it hasn't yet been two weeks, but i'm just sick of girlfriends by now. the lame scripts, the awkward performances, the miserable camerawork, the snail's-crawl pacing, the minimal-effort sets, the total lack of glamour or artifice. i know that that's the selling point, that girlfriends' audience believes glamour and artifice to be another way to say lies, and they like it because it feels real. but as the sidebar that highly accomplished pornstars serene siren and sarah vandella as lawyers take before conferring with their teenage clients demonstrates, just doing things while being filmed is awkward and unappealing: artifice is how you make the audience feel the things you're doing, and glamour is how you make those things look good. the plot makes no sense, and ...

scene title:  women seeking women #152 [scene 1] performers:  alana cruise, ella knox site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: ella knox, r: alana cruise another girlfriends movie with proper color grading! whatever is the world coming to. it remains just as stupid and unconvincing as any girlfriends release, but opening with ella knox and jenna foxx getting ready for a company party is kind of nice: they may both be relatively light-skinned, but they are women of color, and that's not really been an element of girlfriends' brand in recent years. (two decades of shitty, dingy lighting will do that. so will the fundamental racism of the core girl/girl audience.) the party, hosted by bosses alana cruise and ryan keely, is transparently an effort to get the younger women into bed, a reveal which would be funny if the script weren't so weird and artificial and the pacing so interminable: girlfriends scenes would be enormou...

scene title:  locker room lesbian fun performers:  mercedes carrera, lyra law, emma hix, olive glass site:  zero tolerance production credits:  mike quasar (dir.) trailer l to r: lyra law, mercedes carrera, olive glass, emma hix although this is one of the longest scenes i've reviewed so far on the site, the review will be brief. there's little to say. i'm using the "recycled" tag for anything that was released on dvd before being posted on websites for streaming or download, and this is one of the oldest scenes yet: its parent dvd, lesbian gym teacher gangbang, was released in april 2018. it barely counts as new, but because it hasn't been available in any format higher than 480p before now, i'm reviewing it. mercedes carrera (whose politics i despise, but about whose guilt or innocence of the current charges against her i am unwilling to speculate) plays the gym teacher ravished in the locker room by her three students, none of whom are ...

scene title:  lesbian legal #14 [scene 1] performers:  serene siren, lila fray site:  girlfriends films production credits:  b. skow (dir.) trailer l: lila fray, r: serene siren well, i'll be damned. a girlfriends scene, a girlfriends movie even, with actual color grading. lesbian legal #14 was released on dvd in september 2018, so my ugly suspicion that a certain unemployed girl/girl director had migrated somewhere where production credits don't get posted can be allayed. not that anyone could mistake this for a girlsway scene: the pre-sex performances are still just as stilted and awkward, the camera work as profoundly uninteresting, and the script just as literal and entertainment-free as the classic girlfriends i know and love to hate. even so, the loss of the dingy, grimy encrustation that has been girlfriends' visual signature for so long transforms my basic sympathy for the scene: now, rather than loathing it on sight and grudgingly admitti...

scene title:  lesbian psychodramas #30 [scene 4] performers:  bree daniels, milana may site:  girlfriends films production credits:   dan o'connell (dir.) trailer l: milana may, r: bree daniels the sequel to the india summer/kristen scott scene is here, and it's as dull and predictable as expected. bree and milana, in some bedroom or other, half-heartedly debate whether india summer's psychic was right and they are lesbians, and decide to kiss to find out. that's it, that's the whole story. long before the month is out, i am going to run out of ways to say that girlfriends makes badly-lit, poorly-written, awkwardly-shot, hideously-staged, and miserably-audio recorded girl/girl porn. the one spark of visual interest here is that bree daniels is so pale that the light from the hot pink bedspread beneath her bounces up and shades her flesh in an interesting way. well, that, and the contrast between her and milana may's tan. but when you've sai...

scene title:  lesbian sex #19 [scene 4] performers:  gina valentina, whitney wright site:  girlfriends films production credits:   dan o'connell (dir.) trailer l: gina valentina, r: whitney wright despite my disdain, girlfriends is just about neck-and-neck with girlsway as the most prolific girl/girl porn brand in the industry; and thanks to the happenstance of when the weekly schedule falls on the monthly calendar, i'm reviewing two girlfriends scenes before even one girlsway. this one is from a dvd that was released in november 2018, from a line that is the closest girlfriends gets, in their stodgy, uninflected way, to gonzo. gina and whitney sit down with each other and ask pat questions about each others' sexual histories and how they deal with the stigma of being in porn. after about twenty minutes of gina's stoner philosophy and whitney's practised generalizations, they smile awkwardly at the camera and we cut to kissing. they are much more c...

scene title:  lesbian psychodramas #30 [scene 3] performers:  india summer, kristen scott site:  girlfriends films production credits:  dan o'connell (dir.) trailer l: india summer, r: kristen scott hoo boy i haven't watched any girlfriends material in going on eight years, and it was never at the top of my list even when it was a regular part of my diet. but it's gotten very bad. or maybe it's stayed the same and all the rest of porn has gotten so much better. either way, i watched the entire first act in a full-body cringe, as india summer (a psychic) guided kristen scott (alongside her friends bree daniels and milana may, whose scene will presumably be upcoming) through an inane, excruciatingly slow crystal-ball session designed to tell them they are all lesbians. i like kristen scott a lot as a performer and have been impressed by her acting in other productions, but she's given so little to work with here that before the sex starts she's vir...